new year 2011

2011!!

and i will be 23..

numbers that scared me so much..

and why is that so??

- for 23 years old girl/women,

* i still don't know what path am i going to be in.

hope 2011 will lead me to a stable , bless and me myself enjoy to be in that path (carrier).

Amin.

* i'm trying to be in a serious relationship after a few times being hurt.

hope 2011 will bring me a luck and bless in this new relationship and will be the long

lasting relationship. Amin.

* i have to start paying the loan PTPTN and car, also responsibility for my parents. although

they don't ask for my help but as an eldest and the feel of the responsibility to make sure they

are in happy and stable, healthy and whealthy life make me want to help them.

dear Allah please help me by give me a way that will make my parents in happy, bless, life.

Amin

* hope anyone around me will be in blessed, happy, cheerful, wealthy and healthy. Amin

* hope all my dreams will become true.. Amin

stop thinking

enough for the time being.... i don't want to be week anymore. i want to be tough independent or maybe a strict person. but be a person in nowadays world means they can adapt they themselves with the people surrounding. how i'm going to adjust my attitude to the people around me meanwhile i know their are not so good also. people have their own ability in understanding others. but human cannot run on a fact that they tend to make themselves look stupid in front of clever person than them. the problems come when they being in a group and all of them got the same thinking. in this situation the best way is to run from them and start a new life at a new place with a new friends. Allah please help me in continuing myself at my place now. Amin.

how to feel the love?

there is a man. i care about him. always thought about his safety, his emotions. where he go when there is a holiday. a lot of think about him i really take care. but i don't know what exactly my feeling towards him. what is love? what i am suppose to feel?
for me, when girl have fall in love, she should fell nervous when the man is in front of them. then there is some weird feeling towards that man. felt like want to hug him and never let him go. as long as being near to him is enough.
but with 'him' all of the feeling never come when i'm with him? someone said maybe the feeling will come later. but for me it seems like i am not really fall in love with him.. is that so? n
now i really curious about my conditions. what i want to do now is be friends with and see weather the feeling will change later. hope the curiosity will ended with an answer.

reality and fantasy

there is no Edward Cullen and Jacob Black. handsome kind nice its all lie. and in the reality there will be no one can be that perfect. world is just a playground to be played so that the life will not be bored. so take a chance to do anything in this life. but remember the limit Him had done so that there is no regret in the future. regret is one of way of life. no regret means no life. words been made so that we can express our feeling. silent will kill the heart softly. don't be a liar. don't think that your action is the best for people because the truth is a person life is different form one another. compromise honesty and independent is really need so that people not hurts others

expressing feeling

i am so angry so pissed off. but for what? is it worth it if i am the only feel it and nobody understand it? everybody love when people understand how they were. is it hard to make people understand me? question that always mingling in my mind. do i really that hard?

how i'm going to express my emotions? it seems unreal if all things need to be said. it turn to be just a conversation and will be forgot after a few minutes?

good in showing expression is important so that our feeling will be understanding. now i come to the conclusions that i am not a good person in showing my emotions. what i love to do is to please everybody surround me. that is what i hate most about me myself. hate hate hate with this attitude.

gaining experience

Accident experience is worse experience I’ve ever gain. It’s like having a nightmare for the rest of my life. Maybe this is the one of the path Allah choose for me to be a better person. Really can’t forget about the incident. The memories being hitting by another car and don’t know what to do is a very crazy situation for me. The memories keep replay in my mind. I want it go away. I don’t want to remember it. Please go away. If this is the way in gaining experience in life I will never ever choose this experience. But thank Allah that still loves me. Give me another opportunities to still breathing in this life. But Allah please make me forgot about the bad situation and just give make me remember how grateful I am to still be in this worlds. Hope this experience will make me more close to the creator and become a strong girl. AMIN

Edward Cullen vs Jacob Black

Who are they? 2 men give a very huge impact on what type of men I dream of to be my partner. Lucky for Bella Swan to have these 2 men crush on her. Good looking and so in love with her until will sacrifice their life for her.


When it comes to my love story. I don't even know what type of man I really want. Good looking is not what I really want. Enough for me if he is someone I really admire and never board to see his face. After watching twilight make me decide to have the Edward and Jacob characteristic in my soul-mate. But is there any one person that will have both of their character?


There is a person like Edward Cullen for me. But is he really wants to be my Edward Cullen? Whereas he said in his mind that is somebody Jacob Black. Now it comes to my trust towards him. Have a flaw relationship is what he said. I am also agreeing. But is there any guarantee that my heart will not be broken in the future? Being seeing like a though girl easy to get replacement. Deep inside my heart to love someone with all my heart is not easy as it seem.


Now it come to when I agree there need a very long time relationship so that all obstacles being through and know whether he is the right person. What I have to do right now is just agreed with his words. Have a flaw relationship. But I hope these relations will be long lasting.



ahaha..Don’t even know that I can write this in a few minutes. Maybe it shows that I need something to pass out what I've been thought these past few days.